Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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