Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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