umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
