We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
