yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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