Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
