When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize