Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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