what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
