I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Randomize
