so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
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Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
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I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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