trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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