We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
