did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
