So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
