Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
