Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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