Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
