you traded sex for a burrito?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
