I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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