Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
