im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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