OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I believe in your delicious
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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