This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Couch. On fire.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
