Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
