Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize