I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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