my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
