You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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