I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I forget how to act sober
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
