The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
