bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
