that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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