They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
