Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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