I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
