god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize
