I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
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I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My liver just had a heart attack.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
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my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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