Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
babies were throwing up all over the place
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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