Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
