Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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