I can't breathe out the right side of my face
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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