A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
