he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
i believe in u and ur pee
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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