If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
