I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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