You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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