he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
