I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
