dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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