Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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