we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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