drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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