There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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