I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
