Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
