Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
