so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Dignity is for republicans.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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