Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
My vagina just recognized that song.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We need to get me chipped asap
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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