I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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