My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
