god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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